This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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