you would pick up someone in the library
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
