well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
