I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize