FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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