Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize