Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
