no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
