Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
