Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize