pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
