Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
