i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
