I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
