I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
