whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
