Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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