today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
