I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
