And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
