Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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