just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
