I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
