If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize