I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
