Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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