Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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