Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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