I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wear drunk well.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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