so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
