her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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