hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
