I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
