no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
