I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
