Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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