Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
