i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
