All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
