I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
