Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
