He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
