I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
