insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
