look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
