dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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