I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
