So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
