dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
