her facebook's as public as her vagina
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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