I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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