It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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