4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This baby is an asshole
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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