So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
