As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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