uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
