I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
