Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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