You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
