My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
