is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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