I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize