I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
