i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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