they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
