I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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