I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
