I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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