Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Shame is for Republicans.
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