then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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