We won't sleep together?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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