I feel like abortions should bother me more
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
