Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The Olympian is in my bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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