I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
